Recker's World
100 Reasons I no longer believe - 46
Nobody really knows who the true Christians are
Due to my strong desire to believe again, in 2010, as an agnostic, I started attending my old church again, the Eastside Apostolic in Hamilton. It had changed its name to Activate Church and had a new pastor named Sheridyn Rodgers, along with his wife Jan. Seemed like really nice people.
I attended for two reasons.
One: I really, yes really wanted to believe again. I wanted to see if I would get a touch from God. I hoped that if he was real, then he might somehow reach me as I was in fact taking a step of faith by returning to my old church.
Two: As an experiment to see if Christianity was anything more than just a game. Could I just go back to being part of it as if I’d never left? Would anyone there discern through the Holy Spirit that I was not a true Christian? I figured that if the Holy Spirit was real, the people there, including leaders who I once rubbed shoulders with, would identify me as a pretender.
My old Christian friends immediately welcomed me back. Some I even discussed God with and I brought out some of my current beliefs (however not revealing to them my agnosticism). They agreed with me about everything I said!
It demonstrated how even Christians deep down know certain truths, but when they’re talking with people they see as unbelievers, they want to keep a tight hold on their Christian fantasies. They want to promote that fantasy even though deep down they don’t necessarily believe it.
One of the church leaders, (old friend) approached me to be part of the production of ‘Heaven’s Gates, Hell’s Flames’ the one I played the devil in a few years earlier, so even though I was not the devil this time around, I eagerly got involved and continued to come to church each week over that period.
