Recker's World
Reason 32
Realising that what I thought had been God’s voice for so many years was just my own deep thoughts
You know how you’re talking to God, maybe during a quiet time and you’re sharing your problems with him and then thoughts pop up in your head that just seem so clear and wise. Yeah, I believed they were from God too. But now I realise that those deep thoughts came from myself. It’s just that because I was in a meditative state, they seemed so much more profound. Maybe we need to give ourselves more credit for coming up with our own profound thoughts and revelations.
I kept a journal in 1988. When I read it now, I flinch, because much of my writings involved me convincing myself that God was telling me things. The truth was that everything God supposedly told me never actually eventuated and when it didn’t, I simply made up excuses for it. "I lacked faith”. “I was sinning too much”. “He was teaching me some kind of lesson”. Never once did I ever consider that perhaps God was never talking to me at all. Perhaps he was non-existent. No those thoughts never crossed my mind.
When I look back now, I recognise those excuses as standard Christian responses to unanswered prayer. Oh, the time was wrong, God said no, I have to wait, or he had other plans instead. I see justifications that all Christians employ to allow them to continue in their delusionary fantasy world.
Reason 31: I see a god who endorses human sacrifice