The Bible contains Just-So stories

The Old Testament, especially the book of Genesis are what I now see are Just-So stories. They are not mean to be taken as literal history and if Jesus took them as literal history, then that just shows me how flawed Jesus was.

 

Let’s take the story of the creation of man. I can just imagine how it might have come into being…

 

Moses sat with Aaron as they looked at their scrolls of their family tree.

‘Here, I say, Moazie old chap,’ Aaron asked. ‘I’ve only been able to track our family line back so far as Adam and Eve from Eden, wherever that is. I’ve talked to Grandad, I’ve spoken to Grandma and even Great Uncle Methuselah, but what a blasted, rotter, they have no stories that go back any further than them. I can’t even find any paintings on walls which go further back than that, old boy.’

‘Mmmmm, it’s the same here, old bean. I’ve even asked cousin Kunte Kente, if he knows of anyone further back, but no bally luck I’m afraid. It looks as though this is as far back on our family tree as we’re going to get, what?’

‘I’m afraid so. Blast, it’s just not cricket!’

The two sat in silence for a few moments.

‘I saaaayyy…’ said Moses. ‘Wouldn’t it be interesting if Adam and Eve were the very first two people ever created?’

‘Mmmmmm,’ said Aaron. ‘That is an interesting thought, old boy. Wouldn’t it be fun to come up with a story about how they got to be there?’

‘I say, that’s a spiffing idea, old chap.’

‘Here’s an idea! You know how when we die our bodies turn to dust?’

‘Yes.’ Moses pondered.

‘What if we were created from dust?’

‘I say, that is quite a thought.’

‘So let’s make it that in the story God creates us from dirt!’

‘Splendid! Oh, I can just imagine our great great grandchildren will enjoy hearing a story like this old boy. You know, little Chicken George the other day was asking me why people wear clothes. We could add that into the story too. I’m sure we can come up with some reason. He was also asking why snakes don’t have legs. No doubt we can come up with a side story on why that is the case too. You know, I hate snakes, we could make a snake one of the main villains in the story, after all a good story has to have a villain now doesn’t it?’

‘Of course!’

‘And we can even add in a story about how God created the world.’

‘Bravo! Oh and we should also make out women to be less important than man.’

Moses nodded his head vigorously. ‘Of yes, of course, old boy. We can’t have the women thinking they’re equal to us now. Oh, I know we’ll make it that God creates us first and then decides to create woman to act as our servants.’

‘Spiffing idea, old boy!’

‘We can make it that God takes one of Adam’s ribs while he’s asleep and creates Eve out of it!’

‘Marvellous!’ Aaron gushed but then paused and frowned. ‘One thing though, old boy… why would God need things like dirt and ribs to create humans?’

‘You can’t create something from nothing!’

‘But… he’s going to create the universe out of nothing isn’t he? Just a few magic words. “Abracadabra” or something like that. Or “Let there be light”. You know what I’m saying, old bean?’

‘Mmmm, never thought about that old chap. Oh don’t worry about it. A few plot holes here and there won’t matter, it’s just an entertaining story that’s all.’

‘True. So ok, Moazie, Adam and Eve are living in this beautiful garden of Eden. But they do something bad which gets them kicked out, which is why we still aren’t living there now and why we have no clue where this place is or even if it existed at all.’

‘Right there, old chap.’

‘Oh and let’s blame it on the woman.’

‘Ha ha ha ha! Splendid idea there. You’re a genius. Let’s just hope that nobody takes these stories too seriously though. We wouldn’t want to be responsible for people being misinformed and believing them to be actual history, what!’

‘Oh, I don’t think we have to worry about that old chap. Nobody would be that stupid!’ 

‘Ha ha ha ha ha. Of course they wouldn’t.’