A Nightmare on Elm Street

Warning: Contains spoilers… good ones.

After all the horrible movies I have been reviewing lately, it was like a breath of fresh air to watch a movie about a man working on behalf of God. This man, Freddie Kruger had spent his life ridding society of juvenile delinquents who were obsessed with sex, drugs and rock n roll. He was doing a wonderful job killing them off, getting rid of evil, just like God did in Old Testament times, until some evil parents decided one day to gang up on him and burn him alive.

That enraged me to think that these parents thought that they could do something like that. Only GOD is allowed to burn people to a crisp and make them suffer for all eternity. Sadly, Freddie suffered the same fate, but the good news is, in this movie, he still gets to go around delivering God’s justice to evil little shits all across the world. Well actually he was kind of confined mainly to Elm Street, unfortunately.

So Freddie continues with his worthy crusade to rid the world of juvenile delinquents and he does it by getting to them in their dreams! BRILLIANT! I wish I could have found a way to punish my gormless son, Tucker in that manner. He’d have known he couldn’t escape me even when asleep! And let’s face it, what goes on in the despicable minds of teenagers when they’re dreaming is not something we should be encouraging! Every teenager should have their own Freddie Kruger if you ask me!

One thing that confuses me about this movie though, is the fact that the appalling Johnny Depp appears in it and in one scene is delivered justice by our hero Freddie while on his bed watching pornography and we see a huge fountain of blood splatter all over the bed. It was beautifully artistic. But what the hell? If he was killed by Freddie how is it he came to star in such TV shows as “21 Jump Street” and then go on to have a huge movie career? Did this mean that Freddie did not do his job properly…? that somehow Freddie screwed up and didn’t kill Johnny Depp after all? I am confused. This may be one major plot hole in this movie.

Anyway, in this movie, one particular teenage whore named Nancy decides that she is going to rebel against God’s justice and take the fight to our hero Freddie in her dreams. Sadly, it seems that she succeeds in killing Freddie. Fortunately, though, the final scene in the movie reveals that Freddie has been resurrected, just as any godly supernatural being will be, to continue on his holy crusade.