Sesame Street

The Count: You can’t get any more disturbing and creepy than this guy. A bloody vampire muppet who thinks he's Bela Lugosi and sucks blood! I mean sure we don’t see him actually sucking any blood, but he’s a bloody vampire so of course he’s sucking blood and he’s probably targeting virgin females, which should be even more disturbing going by his target audience. All we actually do see is him counting things, but that doesn’t make him any less disturbing and it certainly doesn’t make him a role model for our impressionable youngsters! 

Oscar the Grouch:  Imagine if you were walking down the streets of the Bronx in the middle of the night and you came across a trash can, opened the lid and some bedraggled, angry bum, with green hair jumped out at you. You wouldn’t be hanging around to have a conversation, would you? You’d probably be calling the nearest police station! Some guy living in a trash can is not normal. It can only mean he’s mentally disturbed.

Big Bird: Now here’s a true nut job if ever I saw one. A guy who believes he talks to a big hairy elephant. Clearly this bird is psychologically disturbed. He’s talking to an imaginary beast for bloody hell’s sake! At least when religious people do it, it’s a god, but this one’s a bloody woolly mammoth for Christ's sake and the last one of them died out centuries ago!  Who ever heard of a talking animal anyway. It's ridiculous! Big Bird is clearly mentally deranged!

Elmo:  This little red guy seems cute, but when you realize that it’s not a little guy, but a big black guy, he isn’t so bloody cute anymore. This is surely one creepy guy trying to mislead children. We shouldn’t be making cuddly toys out of him, especially not ones that you can tickle. 

Cookie Monster: Not only is this psycho teaching kids to be gluttonous little pigs who shower crumbs all over the place when they eat, have you heard him talk? Talk about atrocious grammar! He's worse than the bloody Tellytubbies. “Me talk like psychopath!” That’s not the voice of a sane creature. Neither can we consider some one sane who's totally obsessed by bloody cookies.

Simon Soundman:  This guy is clearly mentally deranged too. Instead of talking like everyone else he goes around making sound effects instead of speaking the words. This guy is not Michael bloody Winslow, he’s just a nut job. If you’re gonna go to a restaurant and cluck like a bloody chicken when you want a chicken dish and moo like a bloody cow if you want a beef dish, then you shouldn’t be served by a waiter, even a gormless one like Grover. You should be served by a bloody psychiatrist... preferably one who’s come to administer shock treatment. 

Bob & Gordon: I mean what more needs to be said about these two? They hang around with bloody muppets all day long making out they're real! There is obviously something seriously bloody wrong with them.